"Warning:"

I just can't help myself! I have to post more badly translated product instructions...


Warning:

1. Please to not place it nearby strong vibration or in the dusty place.

2. Please do not touch it when operating.

3. Please do not clean it case by using paint thinner or other chemical materials. Use neuter soap or cleanser.

"Are You Closing Now?"

As I was heading out tonight, a customer asked me with concern, "Are you closing now?"

Dude, if we were closing, we would have told you! Trust me.

Bookmarks

I used to work at a bookstore and we sold bookmarks.

I don't understand the point of bookmarks. I read a lot, but I have never felt the need to purchase a bookmark. If it's one of my books, I just fold up the page. If it's a loaner (from library or friend), I find a scrap of paper to use.

Spencer's

Phone call:

I'm looking for ______.

I'm sorry, we don't carry that.

I know Spencer's carries it, but there aren't any in the Seattle area. Can you recommend a similar store?

Well, I'm not familiar with Spencer's, so --

You've never heard of Spencer's???

Umm.... I'm from Seattle. And as you just said, there aren't any around here!

"I'm Going To Buy It..."

I passed by a man putting an item back in its package. It wasn't just some easy-to-open box, either. It was the kind of packaging that can only be opened once. I must have had a look of horror on my face, because when he turned and saw me he quickly said, "Sorry! I'm going to buy it. I wanted to try it before I bought it."

But what if you don't like it, dude? Now the package is destroyed and we're stuck with it.

I've mentioned this problem before. Again -- if you really need to open the package, then ask for help!!

Danish Taxes

Tofutti Cutie told me about some Danish guy who insisted he shouldn't have to pay sales tax. She said he yelled at her! He was absolutely sure that, since he was from Denmark, he didn't have to pay sales tax.

Well, he did. And if that ever happens to me, I'd be thrilled to point out that when I was in Denmark, I paid sales tax!

Coin Rolls

It always messes up our tills if the coin rolls don't have the right number -- or type -- of coins.

Usually it's a penny in the nickel roll, or a Canadian quarter in the quarter roll, or 49 pennies in the penny roll.

Today, however, I found a dime in the penny roll. That's a new one!

Not Going To Help?

I was at the register today when a woman wandered up. She was on her cell phone and this is what she said: "Hold on a second. This lady's not going to help me unless I put down the phone."

Well, actually, I can't help you until you speak to me! Otherwise I have no idea what you want!!!

She probably didn't mean it the way it sounded, but it was still irksome.

Why Do You Care If It's Popular?

Today, as I was ringing up a family, the father pointed to one of the items they were getting and asked, "Which is more popular, this one or the blue one?"

Why did he care???? From what I saw, the daughter of the family picked out the item, so why does it matter which one is more popular? She liked this one.

The only time I'm even remotely ok with people asking what's popular is when they're buying a gift for someone they don't know. Then they're just playing the odds, hoping the person will also like the item. But if you're buying something for someone you know (or for yourself!), popularity is irrelevant.

"Usage Instructions"

Oh, the fun of badly translated product instructions. They never get old!

Usage instructions.

1. Press right button. Book light truns on. LED light is bright.

2. Use metal clip on any object. Move topmost link to adjust bright degree to the best lighting result.

3. Take back, Press back topmost link backfard, press lowes tlink forward.

4. Use 3 (AG-13) batteries.

Yet Another Tale From the Other Side...

My friend Jack has a doozy of a store for you guys! Here's her crazy story:


So, I was in a big ol' chain home improvement store buying lumber and a few other necessities for making bookshelves, and when I was ready to check out I went to the shortest line. There was one chap in front of me who seemed to be taking a while, but I figured he just had a complicated order or something. Finally, he gets done and it's my turn.

I go up and the first question is what kind of lumber I have. "Poplar" I say.

Clerk looks it up in the list and informs me that they don't have a price for "copper wood".

"It's poplar" I say.

"Coplar?" she asks.

"Poplar" I say. She looks at me weirdly. "With a 'p'" I add, helpfully. She looks through the lumber price list again and says they don't have it. I know they do because I have, like, 50 board feet of it on my cart.

I tell her it was marked at $3.88 per foot. She looks at me blankly, so I ask to look. I find it right away and point it out to her. "Oh, poplar", she says.

Then she goes to the computer to find the price for 1x12 poplar boards. She beeps through tons of screens and can't find it. I tell her it might be under "lumber". When she goes there, I spot the picture on the screen and point it out to her. Ok, fine. $3.88 per foot. Which I mentioned earlier.

She asks me how much I have. I tell her 3 10-foot boards, 5 28-inch boards, and 5 26-inch boards, which I figure is around fifty feet altogether. I assumed she'd have a calculator and would figure the exact amount out during check out.

She stares at me blankly. I ask if she's got a calculator. "Oh, yeah", she says and fishes it out of her drawer. So I tell her 5 28" boards. She stares.

Me: 5 times 28.

Her: 140 feet.

Me: No, 140 inches.

Her: How many feet is that?

Me: Divide by 12.

Her: 11.alotofsixes.

Me: That's 11 and 2/3 feet. So now put in 5 times 26.

Her: 130 feet.

Me: No. 130 inches.

Her: How many feet is that?

Me: Divide by 12.

Her: 10.8.

Me: Almost ll feet. So that's a little over 22 feet, plus the 30 feet, so 52 and a bit feet.

Her: Wait, that's 52 feet?

Me: Yeah, these 30 feet plus those 22 feet is 52 feet.

Her: OK.

She types it in and scans the rest of my stuff (about $16 worth) and gives me my total -- $330.

Me: Wait a minute. That's too much. It should only be about $200.

Her: [blank stare]

I look at the screen and see that she's charged me for 82 feet of lumber. I tell her I only have 52 feet. She squints at the screen, points to the relevant line, and says, "Yeah, 52 feet." I point the line above it that says 30 feet and tell her that I only have 52 feet total. She gets out the calculator again and we replay the above conversation. Finally, she gets it that I have 30 feet of uncut lumber and 22 feet of cut lumber for a grand total of 52 feet.

Then she realizes she has to void the stuff she's typed in already. She calls over her manager to authorize the void. Manager authorizes and leaves. Then she realizes that she already stuck my gift cards in the drawer, despite not having swiped them. She calls the manager to show her how to open the drawer. Manager opens and leaves. We start over. Replay the above right down to her trying to charge me for 82 feet of lumber again and add forgetting to include my other purchases. We void the sale (with manager's help) and start over again. Irate chap in line suggests to the departing manager that she might want to stay and assist her employee with this sale. Manager comes back. We start over. Between manager and I we get her to enter 52 feet and scan all the stuff. I pay. She says, "Maybe I should go back to wearing my trainee badge, huh?" I manage not to say, "Or a straight-jacket."

Now, I realize that anybody can have an off day, and she might've been really new and all, but first off, they're not paying me to do her job or to train her, and second off, when I'm the resident math genius, something is seriously wrong. I'm just sayin'.


[mamurd says: 1) Yikes! 2) See Jack, you're not as bad at math as you think! 3) I hope that manager spends some more time training that girl. Or at least stay in closer range!]

Other Stores

The first customer in the door this morning asked me if the other stores in the area were also open on Sundays. Amused, I pointed out that I was in the store all day, so I had no idea what the other stores did. She laughed and agreed that that was a good point.

In the afternoon, a customer got cranky with Tofutti Cutie because she didn't know what time the other stores closed.

Seriously, we're stuck in our store all day -- how could we know what the other stores are doing?

"Can I Get a Receipt, Please?"

A woman came up to the register with the item she wanted to buy. I took it, scanned it, and told her the total. While she got out her money, I put the item in a bag. She gave me her money, I gave her her change, and put her receipt in the bag.

Just as I was about to hand her the bag and say, "Your receipt is in the bag" she asked me, "Can I get a receipt, please?"

Patience, lady! Give a girl a chance!!

More Coffee Drink Drama

me: I'd be happy to keep your drink up front for you while you look around.

customer: [annoyed] I'll just stand by the door.

me: You can pick it up when you're done.

customer: [whiny] I just got it. It'll be cold.