Unsigned Credit Cards

It never ceases to amaze me that some people think that not signing their credits cards will protect them from thieves. It's fine if that's their way of making cashiers check their photo ID, but I've had many customers with unsigned credit cards get snippy with me for asking to see their ID. I had one woman icily tell me that she didn't sign it so that no one could steal her signature. But if she leaves it blank, any thief can sign their signature to the card and use it easily!

Holly in the Head

I overheard a 10-year-old boy today reading a package. What he said was "holly in the head". What the package said was "hole in the head".

What's more sad is that none of the adults that were with him corrected him. Even if they didn't see what the package said, you'd think that they would realize that "holly in the head" made no sense!

Register

When I'm standing at the register, customers frequently come up and ask, "Can you ring me up here?" or, "Can I check out here?"

But when I'm standing at a counter without a register (a counter, by the way, that is completely covered with displays), customers just walk up and hand me their purchases. They just assume that I can ring them up, despite the fact that there isn't a register or computer in sight!

An Unusual Tax Exempt Story

I get very annoyed with tax exempt people who rudely demand that I do the tax exempt paperwork in order to save them 30¢. But some people from Oregon/Alaska/Montana/wherever aren't aware that they are tax exempt. If they spend over $100, I'll usually explain how it works. I don't mind doing the paperwork for $10 or more. Plus, I get to introduce them to the concept, so I can teach them how to be polite about it.

Today I had a customer who was spending over $100. When I checked her ID, I saw that she was from Montana. I offered to take off her sales tax. She asked me how much it would save her. It was around $14. Her reply? "No, thanks." That's a new one!

Charlie

Recently I overheard a conversation between two customers that really had me confused...


Customer A: Is Charlie still at your mom's?

Customer B: Yeah. We're going to Vancouver tomorrow, so we're just going to leave him there.

Customer A: Does your mom like him?

Customer B: She likes him, she just doesn't like what he does to her yard.


When she said "yard", I finally figured out that Charlie was a dog, not a baby. Whew!

Stolen Bracelet?

We sell silly bracelet and rings sets. They cost around $4. Yesterday I saw a teenaged girl walking around the store wearing one of the bracelets. I assumed she had bought it (since she was wearing it so openly) and went back to work. Today one of my co-workers found a package that had been ripped open. The bracelet was missing. I checked the computer and we hadn't sold one recently.

So apparently she ripped open the package, put the bracelet on, walked around the store for a while, and left, presumably wearing the bracelet. She almost certainly stole it. It's possible that she forgot she was wearing it. It's also possible that she took it off and left it somwhere in the store before leaving. But she probably stole it.

I'm not used to thieves openly parading the items they're about to steal around the store! And why bother stealing it? It's four dollars, and she didn't even take the whole set!

"I Guess I'll Just Eat the Loss."

As I was ringing up a customer, she explained that she lived overseas, and wondered what she could do if one or more of the items she bought didn't work. I told her she could ship it back to us, and we could ship her a replacement. She asked what the time limit was. I told her that our return policy stated that she would have a month to do it. She got pissy and said, "Well they're Christmas presents. I guess I'll just eat the loss."

Oy. As one of my co-workers pointed out, it's like going to Germany and asking what their return policy is! Also, she didn't even know if any of them were defective! Which, by the way, she could check before leaving the country.

Tourist Vocabulary

We're well into the heart of tourist season now. It's kind of funny to hear tourists use the wrong names for Seattle landmarks. Today I heard "Pioneer Center" instead of Pioneer Square. And while Pike Place Market is called various things by the locals (Pike Place Market, Pike Place, the market), I've heard tourists call it "Pike Market" and "Pike Street Market". I understand what they're saying, but it sounds so weird!

"They Won't Let Him Sit on the Steps."

Today I overheard a woman say to her husband, "We're leaving. They won't let him sit on the steps." Apparently the "him" was their son. Later I heard the rest of the story from a co-worker, who I'll call "Paris":

Paris saw the kid sitting on a step in front a fire exit. This is a big no-no; the fire department gets cranky about these sorts of things. Paris told the kid this and politely asked him to move. She suggested another place for him to sit, where he wouldn't be in the way. A few minutes later she found him sitting at the top of the main staircase of the store! He was completely blocking all traffic, causing a crowd of people trying to get around. Again, Paris told the kid that he couldn't sit there. The mom came up and huffed, "I guess we'll just leave."

To which Paris and I agreed, "Hooray!" They clearly weren't going to buy anything, and they were blocking customers who were actually shopping. Move along, rude clueless people, move along.

Demonstration

Today I observed a customer approach one of my co-workers and ask if she could demonstrate one of our products. My co-worker agreed, and went to go fetch the supplies. My co-worker walked to the back room to get them. While she was in the back, the customer wandered away. My poor co-worker returned to find the customer long gone.

Tax Exempt

Tax exempt people are notoriously rude. Sometimes they're polite, but most are very, very rude about it. Yesterday I had a new variation on the tax exempt rudeness:


Customer [hopefully]: Do you have a teacher's discount?

Me [apologetically]: No, I'm sorry, we don't.

Customer [petulantly]: Well, at least don't charge us sales tax. [pause] We're from Alaska.



What threw me was how quickly her attitude changed. She went from being perfectly pleasant and polite to demanding and rude in just a few seconds!

Jinxed!

I had closing shift tonight. As one of my co-workers (who had an earlier shift) was leaving tonight, she said, "Well, at least it will be quiet."

The store was packed for the next hour. Damn you, H-Man -- you jinxed me!!

Caution

You know how VCR manuals can be frustrating if they're badly translated? Well, warning labels are hysterical. Here's one I found today:

Caution:
-Hard thew to the groud
-Can not eat
-Cool place, keep away from the fire

"I Think I'll Use My Credit Card..."

I threatened to make today's post about how mean Tofutti Cutie is to me, but....



I rang up a man. His total came to $12.32. He fished around in his wallet for a loooong time, before (finally!) producing 32 cents. He set the quarter, nickel, and two pennies on the counter, and went back to his wallet. He dug for a bit, pulled out a $5 bill, and set it on the counter. He went back to his wallet, dug for a little while longer, found another $5 bill, started to set it down, then said, "I think I'll use my credit card." (I could see he had a $20 bill in his wallet.) He continued, "I get frequent flier miles when I use my credit card, so I try to use it as much as possible." He then put the $5 bill in his hand back in his wallet, picked up the $5 on the counter and put it in his wallet, picked up the nickel and put it in his wallet, picked up one penny and put it in wallet, picked up the other penny and put it in his wallet, and (finally!) picked up the quarter and put it in his wallet. Then he handed my his credit card.

Longest. Transaction. Ever.

"Undo My Seatbelt!"

A mom and a dad enter the store with their kid in a stroller. The kid looks at least four, if not five, years old. He certainly looked big enough to forgo the stroller.

After a bit, the kid said, "Daddy, stop! Undo my seatbelt!"

Here's a tip, parents: If your child is old enough to speak in complete sentences, he's old enough to walk on his own!

New Posters!

In case you hadn't noticed, Tofutti Cutie has joined me (mamurd) in posting stories. Hopefully Zanda will join us soon.... :)

"Do you sell batteries?"

customer: Does this take a battery?

me: Yes. It takes 1 AA.

customer: Do you sell batteries?

me: Yes. One AA is 85 cents. Do you want to buy one?

customer (snidely): No, I think not. We have rechargeable ones at home.

me: ??????

"Do You Have the Pike Place Book?"

An older couple approached me today and asked, "Do you have the Pike Place book?" I said that we didn't, and listed the few Seattle-based books that we carried.

The woman, incredulous, replied, "But we saw it all over Pike Place Market!"

Sigh. Where do I start?

First of all, we're not near Pike Place Market. Why would we carry a book about it?

Secondly, if they saw it Pike Place and they wanted to buy it, why didn't they buy it there?

Thirdly, what's with the attitude?? It's not like I work at a Seattle-themed gift shop. Why would there be an expectation that we would carry this book?

Aarrgghh!!!

"Do You Have a Plastic Bag?"

A man approached me and asked, "Do you have a plastic bag?" We're not allowed to give out store bags without a purchase, so I started to say no, but then I remembered seeing him with a baby earlier.....and an awful thought occurred to me.

With great trepidation and (hopefully) disguised disgust, I asked, "Is this for a dirty diaper?"

"Um, yeah."

I handed him a garbage bag and he went on his merry way.

But here's thing: If you need to change your kid, shouldn't you go to a bathroom? And if you commonly change your baby's diaper in the middle of a store, shouldn't you carry something to put the dirty diaper into? Or at least go outside and throw the diaper into the trash bin!

"How Much Is the Pedometer?"

A man came up to me, gestured towards one of our glass cases, and asked, "How much is the pedometer?"

I thought to myself, "Pedometer? The thing that tells you how far you've walked? We don't sell those." My mind raced frantically as I tried to figure out what he could be referring to.

At my blank look, the man elucidated, "The thing in the glass case shaped like a lightbulb, with the spinning thing."

Oh! Now I knew what he was talking about. But it's not a pedometer. It's not even close to being a pedometer!

I politely replied, "The radiometer?" and pointed to it in the case.

He said, "They used to be called pedometers, but yeah."

Considering "pedometer" means "measuring feet", and a radiometer spins when place near heat (or light? Whatever.), I'm guessing radiometers were never called "pedometers".

I diplomatically told him, "Well, this company calls them 'radiometers'."

"This Looks Like a Good Spot!"

A woman and her mother walk in the front door. Just inside the front door is a short flight of steps down to the store. The woman announces to her mother, "This looks like a good spot!" and the two of them plop themselves down on the top step, completely blocking the store entrance that they just walked through!

I was speechless.

The Sigh

Mom, Dad, and kids. Mom and kids are talking about the stuff they see.

Then.... I hear a sigh.

The mom says (incredulously), "Did you just sigh?"

The dad mumbles something.

Mom (annoyed): "There's so much to see. We're looking at stuff!"

Dad grumbles something about "spending all day here".

Mom leaves the dad to have his snit, and rejoins the kids.



Ha! Funniest thing I heard all day.

New Blog

I decided to start a new blog specifically for stories from the world of retail. I've spent almost seven years working in retail, at three different stores. I've got lots of stories!