Huh?

A man came up to the counter with his purchases. I gave him my usual line, "Hi there, you ready to go?"

His reply? "No, I quit doing that years ago."

He was clearly joking, but I have no idea why it was supposed to be funny!

"Why?"

Mom: Please be quiet now.

Kid: Why?

Mom: I need you to be quiet so I can answer the phone.

Kid: Why?

Mom: I need to answer the phone because Grandma's wondering where we are.

Kid: Why?

Round and Round We Go!

We've got a bunch of spinning racks in our store. Most of them have a diameter of less than 18".

I'm continually amazed at how many people walk around these spinners, instead of -- gosh, I don't know -- spinning them?!?

It's pretty funny to watch.

New Employees

It's easy to forget how much I actually know about the store. I know it took me a long time to learn the products, but I forget about things like the break schedule, how to run the register, what our hours are, where the nearest bathroom is, how to answer the phone...

We've got a new employee starting tomorrow. Every time someone new starts, I get reminded of all the things I've learned.

Never Underestimate the Male Ego

A man wanted to see something that was on display high on a wall. I couldn't reach it, so I told him I'd go get a stepstool.

He said, "I can reach it; I'm taller than you."

He lifted up his arms and tried to get the item. After a few seconds of struggling, he finally admitted, "I guess I do need the ladder."

Ha!

"I Can't Afford This..."

Every once in a while someone will buy something, leave, come back a few minutes later and say, "I can't afford this."

Usually they're really nasty about it, like it's my fault they overspent. They demand a refund and if I hesitate in any way, they start yelling. They're not really mad at me, of course, they're mad at themselves. But why yell at yourself when you have a sales clerk you can yell at instead?

The other day, though, I had a really nice guy come back in. The first thing he said was, "I'm really sorry to do this to you, but..." and he asked me if I thought we'd still have the things he'd bought in a few weeks. He knew it was his mistake, not mine.

It's sad that he's the exception.

And You Want Me To Hire You? Ummm.... No.

A guy called the other day and said, "I heard you were hiring?"

I said yes, and told him what he needed to do to apply.

At that point, he should have said, "Thanks!" and hung up.


Alas, this guy wasn't reading from the same script. He kept talking. And talking. And talking some more.


"I really think I'd be great for your store."

"I'd really like to work there."

"I used to work at _______."

"I think I'd be great for your store."

"The store I used to work at closed because of a huge rent increase."

"I really want to work at your store."

"What's your name?"


At this point, I told him that I wasn't the person he needed to address his application to. He told me that he needed my name for "his records" and to collect unemployment.

I'm really, really hoping that this dude doesn't get hired.

Stroller Story

People often leave their empty strollers in inconvenient places. If I need to get by them, I usually move them out of my way.

Today I found a stroller parked in front of the door to a back room. I needed to get through door, so I moved the stroller. Like I said, I found the stroller left in front of the door. There wasn't anyone nearby who could I could say "Excuse me" to and get them to move it for me. The nearest person was a man who was about six feet to the left and completely absorbed in looking at a product. To the right, about fifteen feet away, was a mom, grandma, and two children. One of the kids was pretty young, so I figured that was the stroller occupant.

So..... I walked up behind the stroller and moved it a foot or two so I could get past. I thought it felt heavier than other strollers I've moved, so I glanced down at it as a passed by. I thought maybe they'd left some shopping bags in the stroller.

Nope! They'd left their baby in the stroller! I was somewhat horrified that I'd so casually shoved a baby out of my way and I was afraid the baby would start screaming. Luckily, the baby hadn't looked up, so he (she?) had no idea that it was a stranger moving him and not a parent. Also luckily, no parent came up to me to yell at me for moving their baby.

But I guess that would require the parent to be watching their child and that was obviously beyond the ability of this poor kid's parents.

If You Anticipated It, Then...

Two boys and their father came into the store. The boys were both eating ice cream. I intercepted them and told them that we didn't allow food in the store, so they'd have to finish outside.

The boys dutifully turned around and left. Before following them, their father said to me, "Sorry. They half-anticipated that."

First of all, they should have fully anticipated that, since there's a sign on the door saying "No Food or Drink".

Secondly, if they were "half-anticipating" it, why didn't they look at the door to see if there was a sign?

Finally, "half-anticipating" means they knew they shouldn't bring the ice cream in. So why did they bring it into the store?!?!?

I Hate It When I Can't Yell at Them!

Well, not yell, but glare. I'm good at glaring. Usually my evil eye does the trick!

What trick, you ask?

The trick of getting misbehaving children to stop misbehaving. If I glare at a kid making a mess, he or she usually looks ashamed and then skulks away. If I can't catch their eyes, or if the glare doesn't work, I go over at have a little chat with them.

Unfortunately, all these little tricks go right out the window when the child's parent is nearby, observing the kid make the mess. Or, worse yet, participating in the mess-making.

I hate it when I can't yell at them!

"How Does This Work?"

A woman held up a product and asked, "How does this work?"

I explained the mechanism, but she shook her head. She said, "No, does it sell well? Do people like it?"

Huh?

"Don't Go Anywhere."

A woman came up to me today and asked me to open a case for her. We went over to the case and I started showing her the items she was interested in. After a few minutes, her cell phone rang. She said to me, "Don't go anywhere," and then answered her phone.

I stood there, waiting, for several minutes while she had her phone conversation. When she hung up, we went back the case.

Is it just me, or does it seem awfully rude to order a sales clerk not to go anywhere, so that you can have a personal phone conversation. I mean, I do have other things to do! And I didn't really want to listen to her half of the conversation. I could have left, done something else, and then come back after she'd hung up.

Sheesh!

Instant Karma

Tofutti Cutie has complained about people not getting out of her way when she's carrying heavy boxes.

The other day I was carrying a large box full of smaller boxes. One box was balanced on top. As I was approaching a bottleneck area of the store, I saw that there were two women standing in my way. As I approached them I said, "Excuse me." They glanced at me, but didn't move. Inwardly sighing, I lifted my box, turned to the side (with my back to the women), and tried to squeeze myself past them. The side of the bottleneck that I was on is constrained by a railing. To get past it, I had to lift my box over the railing (while walking sideways). When I lifted it, I tilted it towards me. Just as I was passing the two women, the top box slipped off the others, fell over my shoulder, and landed on their shoulders (between their heads).

Awesome!

See, ladies, this is why I wanted you to move!!!

You Know It's Going To Be A Long Day When...

Your first customer of the day is a 35-year-old, long-haired, bearded hippie who calls you "my dear".

Ick.

What Do You Care What I Think? (Take 3)

Today a guy asked me for a restaurant recommendation.

I. Hate. This. Question.

First of all, I don't eat out often.

Second of all, even if I like a restaurant, that doesn't guarantee that the other person will like it.

Thirdly, I have no idea how much they want to spend.


I told the guy today that I didn't eat out much. When he continued to pester me, I told him about a Thai restaurant nearby. He said, "I've eaten a lot of Thai lately."

I mentioned the BBQ place across the street. He made a face.

I said a lot of people like the Italian place on the next block. He shook his head dismissively.


Clearly, he didn't care what I thought, so what did he ask?

There are a million restaurants in downtown Seattle. Find one that smells good and LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

"Do You Even Consider This Work?"

Some people think that just because I work at a store that sells neat things, that it must not be work. Just the other day a guy asked me, "Do you even consider this work?"

I used to work at a book store. Now, I love books. (I mean, I really love books.) And I enjoyed working with them. I liked seeing new titles we would get. I loved discovering new authors. I even had fun deciding how to organize sections.

But it was still a job. I got paid. I had to show up at certain time. I had responsibilities. I had an awful boss. Some of my co-workers were great, but some were dreadful. I had to haul boxes, stand at the cash register for hours, sort books, re-arrange shelves, answer phones, do paperwork, count tills, and -- most irritating of all -- clean up after messy customers.

So, to answer your question Mr. Idiot Customer, YES, it's a job!

Warning: Don't Try To Add When You're Sick!

I've been sick for the last week or so. It's getting very annoying.

Today I tagged a new item. Each item came in a box. Those boxes were shipped in bigger boxes. In each bigger box there were three layers of smaller boxes. Each layer had four boxes. There were two bigger boxes.

I did well in math. In fact, I quite liked calculus. And if you give me a pen and paper (or a calculator), I can do arithmatic. But arithmatic in my head? No. And especially not when I'm sick.

I looked at the bigger box, carefully counted the three layers, noted that there were four boxes in the top layer, and concluded that each box had sixteen boxes. Then I painstakingly (and I mean painstakingly) added sixteen plus sixteen. It went something like this: sixteen is ten and six. Ten plus ten is twenty. Six plus six is ... umm... umm... twelve. Twenty plus twelve is twenty-two. No, wait, that's not right. Twenty plus twelve is ... ummm...errr....ummm.....thirty-two!

I looked at our paperwork and was quite surprised to see that we were supposed to receive twenty-four. I thought to myself, "Well, maybe they sent more than they were supposed to, or my boss wrote down the wrong number." So I checked the packing list. It also said twenty-four.

I went back to the boxes and stared at them for a while longer. I counted the boxes in the top layer. I re-counted the layers. I made sure that both boxes had three full layers. I thought about it a while longer.

Eventually I realized that three layers of four boxes makes twelve per box, and since twelve times two is twenty-four, we had received the correct number of items.

Whew!

"Can We Pay Here?"

I was restocking when a man standing near the register got my attention and asked, "Excuse me, miss. Can we pay here?"

I said, "Sure!" and walked over. When I got to the register he had his wallet out and was looking for money, so I picked up the item he had sitting on the counter and asked, "You ready to go?"

He said: "No, we're still looking around."

Now, I had thought my question was a mere formality -- practically rhetorical! -- because he had his money out. But apparently not!

Schmoopy-ness

The other day we had a couple in the store who were, apparently, recently engaged. They were wandering around the store, talking to his mother on a cellphone. A cellphone on speaker phone.

They kept going on and on about how happy they were and how the proposal was so special and magical and how the mom and her daughter-in-law-to-be just couldn't wait to meet each other and oh and ah and isn't it wonderful blah blah blah.

Schmoopy.

While I think it's great that they're happily engaged, I think that that phone conversation was a private conversation. Having in public, in the middle of a store, with a bunch of strangers listening in ... it was creepy.

"How To Operate"

More fun with badly translated product instructions!


How to operate:

1) Press the button for ON/OFF.
2) The lights can changeable in 32 Different Shapes.
3) So fun and fashion it.


How to use or install the batteries:

1) Open the cap at first.
2) Use 3 pieces of AAA batteries as right position.
3) Close the cap and play it.
4) Do not mix the old and new batteries.
5) Avoid placing the [product] in moist.

Why Are You Asking Me a Question??!?!

Today when it was time to leave work, I signed out, went to the break room, took off my apron, grabbed my bag, picked up the tupperware and jam that I was taking to a potluck, and left the break room. I had my backpack on my back, the tupperware in my hands, and the jam balanced on top of the tupperware. As I'm hurrying out of the store, a man stops me and asks, "Do you have ___?"

Excuse me? Why are you asking me a question?? What was about my personal bag, tupperware, jar of jam, and lack of an apron that made you think I was at work and available to ask questions???