You Don't Know, So Why Should I?

I'm starting to get really annoyed with people who get really annoyed with me for not being able to tell them where another store/restaurant/whatever is. I don't mind them asking, but I mind them getting mad at me for not knowing.

Overt Your Eyes!

Today we received an icky new product. The display box proudly proclaimed how nasty it was. It said things like, "Gross and Disgusting!" and "Overt your eyes!"

Overt? I think they meant "avert".


It also said, "Slimy, squishy, sorted fun!"

Sorted?? That one I can't figure out.

Bye, Anne!

Anne will soon be leaving the ranks of retail workers. She probably won't miss the job, but we will miss her.

Bye, Anne!

"Umm....Didn't I Give You a $20?"

Many moons ago, when I was a high school student working at my first retail job, the manager told me a simple rule: When a customer hands you bills, set them on top of the register while you make change. That way, if you enter the wrong number into the register, you can see your mistake. Or, if they try to claim they gave you a bigger bill than they actually did, you can easily check.

Many years of retail work later, I always always always put the bills on top of the register, but I've never had a problem of any sort.

Until recently. A customer's total came to $8.60. He gave me (I thought) a $10 bill. I entered 10.00 into the register and gave him $1.40 in change. That's when he said, "Umm...didn't I give you a $20?"

I looked at the bill I had set on top of the register. And.....he was right! It was a $20.

The moral of the story? I'm really, really, REALLY glad that I listened to the manager at my old job!

Ever Heard of a Wallet??

Several years ago (when I was still working at the book store), I rang up a boy who (if I recall correctly) was about 12 years old.

I told him his total, and he leaned down and did.... something ... down near the floor. When he came back up, he handed me a damp $10 bill. Damp. As in wet. As in, he was carrying his money in his shoe, and when he leaned down, he was fishing it out of his sneaker. And it was damp because it was sweaty.

Ew.

Seriously, dude. Ew.

The Universal Language of Starbucks

Today a woman came up to me and asked for a restroom. And by "asked for a restroom", I mean she approached me, shyly got my attention, and said in a soft, thickly-accented voice, "Restroom?"

I shook my head and said, "No, sorry." She looked quite worried. I said, "Starbucks" and pointed across the street. Her face lit up: She understood!

Ah, the universal language of Starbucks. I don't know where she was from, but they have Starbucks there!

A Tale from the Other Side...

My friend Jack suggested I occasionally include a story from the customer's side. Recently Sotosoroto had an, umm, "interesting" experience. Here's Soto:




I went to REI last week to buy some trail maps for an upcoming hike and a
pair of sunglasses as a birthday present for my father. I found the maps
quick enough, then wandered the store looking for the sunglasses section.
Eventually, I found it right beside the maps. D'oh!

After staring at the sunglasses in their glass case for most of a minute,
an employee asked me if I want to try any on. I asked for a couple of
them, he took them out, and then he wandered to the other side of the
area. One of them I liked, but I wanted to try others, too.

I waved the same guy back and got him to take out a couple more pairs.
He then wandered away again. I finally decided on the first pair and had
to get the employee to come back and get one of the boxed pairs out of a
different cabinet.

As he handed me the box, he asked if I was done shopping and if I wanted
him to ring me up there. I said yes and we went over to the cash
register. While he did the business with my credit card, I opened the
box and made sure the glasses are in proper condition. They were.

Before I finished putting the glasses back in the box, the employee
handed me the receipt to sign and asked me if I wanted a bag. As I
signed, I said, "yes." I handed him the signed receipt, put it and my
credit card in my wallet, and returned to closing up the box.

The employee took a small paper bag from under the counter and set it on
the counter. He then left. And by "left," I mean that he walked out of
the sunglasses area and far away across the store.

On the counter in front of me were my maps (left disorganized after he
scanned them), a closed paper bag, and the sunglasses in their box.

How's that for customer service?

As he walked away, I said loud enough for other people to hear, "And I'd
also like you to put my purchases in the bag, thank you."

Colored Money

I've heard many people complain about how American money all looks alike. They seem to think we should have colored bills like other countries do.

I don't see what the big deal is: The numbers are on the bills. It's really not that complicated!

I understand when people get confused by our coins (since they don't have numbers on them), but the bills are pretty simple.

Pacifiers

The other day I saw a six-year-old boy walking around the store with a pacifier in his mouth. The kid kept trying to talk around the thing.

He looked like he was old enough to be in school -- does he take it to school with him??

"Who's Next?"

I came up to the counter and there were two women waiting to be rung up. They hadn't formed a line, so I didn't know who had been there first. I asked, "Who's next?"

The woman on the right said, "She is." Can you guess what she did next? She set her stuff on the counter!

Unitary??

Ah yes, the fun of badly translated package instructions. This one had a "helpful" diagram. Underneath the picture it said:


1. Put A ON B

2. Put B together A on C

3. Put A.B.C.D together

4. Ring the unitary A.B.C.D with E

5. Ring and fixup the unitary with F


By the way, nothing on the diagram was labelled "unitary" or "ring". As best as I can figure, what they're telling you to do is put A on B, then attach that to C, then add D, then E, and finally F. I think the periods between the letters are my favorite part!

Whoops!

This morning a woman came up to me and asked me, "Do you have a bathroom?"

I said, "No, sorry. The closest one is the coffee shop kitty-corner from us."

She stared at me blankly.

I thought maybe I was talking too fast for her to understand, or that she didn't know what "kitty-corner" meant. I tried to clarify by saying, "Across the street."

Still puzzled, she asked, "A basket?"

Whoops!

Overheard...

I overheard Customer A talking to Customer B about a mutual friend. Customer A said, "He plays solitaire by himself.

Well, of course he did! How else could he play it??

"Upstairs Or Downstairs?"

A man asked me where something was. I told him he could find it in two different places: "Over there [I gestured to the right] or upstairs."

His response? "Are we upstairs or downstairs?"

Ummmm....duh!

Mixed Messages

Ah, the mixed messages of parents. (Oops -- sorry, Mom! I meant bad parents.)


An empty-handed boy walked up to his mom and said, "Can you carry my camera?"

His mom, who was carrying a large, already-full bag, said in exasperation, "I can't carry everything!"

While she was saying this, she put the camera in the bag!

Note: To Guardian

More fun with badly translated product instructions!


Note: To Guardian

Owing to the use of battry, please keep it out reach of children, and never let the baby under 3 years old try in prevention of swallow by mistake.

Price Difference

I rang up a woman for a small, $4 item. Her friend was next in line. The friend bought a similar item, but it came from a different company and cost $3. When I told the friend her total, the first woman said, "How come mine was $4?"

So....she didn't look at the price? She thinks all similar items cost the same? Huh?

"What's Your Exchange Rate?"

Today, when I was working at the register, a woman came up to me and asked, "What's your exchange rate for Canadian currency?"

Now, we're about three hours from the border. We're not a bank, or even a hotel!

I've occasionally had people ask if we accept Canadian currency, but I've never had anyone assume that we did.

Liars!

A kid came up to one of my co-workers and asked if we had a bathroom. (We don't.) My co-worker told the kid where the nearest bathroom was.

A few minutes later the kid's dad came up to me and said, "You really don't have a bathroom?"

I replied, "Nope, sorry."

I started to tell him where the nearest one was, but he turned to his kids and said something. I wasn't exactly sure what he said, but it sounded like, "C'mon kids, let's go. We don't do business with liars."

In disbelief, I said, "Excuse me, sir, did you just call me a liar?"

He turned back and said, "Yeah."

Dude, just because you didn't get the answer you want, doesn't mean it isn't the truth!

Busted!

We have a "no food or drink" sign on our door at work. I'm one of the clerks most likely to confiscate customers' drinks. Tofutti Cutie used to call me "The Enforcer".

Today I went up to a man (who was carrying a coffee) and politely gave my "no food or drink" speech. One of his sons said, "Ooh, Dad, you got busted!". The other son said oh-so-helpfully, "Dad, the sign said, 'No food or drink'." The dad good-naturedly handed over his drink.

"Do You Sell Flowers?"

Years ago I worked at a book store. One evening a man came in and asked, "Do you sell flowers?"

Now, why would we sell flowers? I mean, come on! Books + water = badness.

I politely said no. He (impatiently) asked where he could buy flowers. I suggested the grocery store across the street, which had a flower section. Irritated, he replied, "Where's a florist shop?"

If he wanted a florist, why did he come into a book store??!?!