How Do You All Do It?

Seriously. How you guys shop for Christmas and birthday presents when you don't work at a store? I buy so many of my gifts at the stores I've worked at. I don't even have to "shop". I just notice things when I'm working. It's so easy, so convenient! How do you all do it without working at a store?

Sorry, Mom

Recently my mom was complaining that all my stories are customer-bashing. "Not true!" I said. Besides, if the customers want to tell their side of the story, they can get their own blog!

So.... Sorry, Mom, but here's another idiot-customer story:


A woman came up and asked me to open up a case for her. No problem. She wondered if she should get a certain item or not. A little needy, but fine. She wondered if we had some similar items. I found some for her. So far, so good.

She pulled out her cell phone and put it to her ear. She started saying things like, "Should I get one more? Should I get something else?" She kept saying these things over and over. I finally got a clue and asked her if she was talking to me. Somewhat impatiently she said, "Yes. Should I get something else?"

Aarggh! If you have your cell phone out, why would I assume you were talking to me?? Also? Rude!

But wait, there's more! When I went to ring her up, she asked me if a certain item came in a specific pattern. The rack with these items was a whopping five feet away from her! She walked past it to get to the register. Why didn't she pick out the items herself? *sigh*

Since I'm oh-so-helpful, I went and fetched the item for her. Then she wanted to know if it came in a different pattern. I went and fetched that one, too.

Finally I rang her up and she went away.

Chain of Command

The store I currently work at is owned by a husband and wife. One of my co-workers (Tofutti Cutie calls her "H-Man") once referred to our store as "a Mom and pop store: They're the mom and pop; we're the kids."

That's true, but I tend to think of it more as a chain of command. I'm sure someone who knows more about military hierarchy than me (*cough cough* Jack, Pedicularis *cough cough*) can critique my set-up, but here's my "chain of command":

Husband-owner: General. Everyone jumps when he comes in the room. He gives orders that everyone obeys -- no matter how dumb we think they are. He understands very little about what goes on in the day to day operations and we like it when he stays out of our way.

Wife-owner: Major. Understands more about what's going on and is more involved in store operations, but still is removed from daily stuff. More friendly and approachable than the General.

H-Man: Lieutenant. Primary recipient of orders from above. Primary giver of orders to underlings. Makes most major daily decisions.

Tofutti Cutie and me (mamurd): Sergeants. Pass on orders from Lieutenant. Make minor decisions. Operate relatively independently.

everyone else: Privates. Make very few decisions on their own.


In times of a crisis (i.e. the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas), the General and the Major start getting more involved. They start passing out weird orders to the Lieutenant and second-guessing her decisions. This makes her crazy. She passes on the orders (and craziness) to her sergeants, who in turn pass it on to the privates.

Those poor privates...

Black Friday

I've been seeing a lot of news articles complaining about how retailers start Christmas so early. But do you know why the day after Thanksgiving is called "Black Friday"? Because that's the day that most stores finally start making money. Which means that the rest of the year they're losing money. These businesses have just a few weeks to make enough money to keep them going for the rest of the year. Can you really blame them for trying to stretch the season out?

"Don't Kick That ..."

Today I saw a kid kick an item that was on the floor. His mother's response? "Don't kick that so hard."

"Don't kick that so hard"? How about: "Don't kick that." Period. Full stop. Don't. Kick. That.

The tone of voice she used was even worse. There was no authority, no command, no disapproval, no reprimand, and no expectation of obedience.

Count It Once?

In every retail job I've had, I've counted the money in the tills. This includes my very first job ever: video store clerk. I was in high school at the time, and I remember telling my mom that if it was right the first time, I only counted it once. If it was wrong, I counted it a second time. She was surprised that I sometimes only counted the money once. At the time I didn't have an explanation -- it just seemed logical to me -- but now I've got one!


So, Mom, here it is:

What are the odds that the amount of money in the till is wrong, but that I count it wrong and get the right amount? For example, let's say the register was supposed to have $527.89 in it, but someone messed up earlier in the day and it actually has $527.83. It's not very likely that I would count the money wrong and happen to get $527.89. See?


My rule of thumb is this: I want the right answer once or the wrong answer twice.

Printer Problems

I often get called over to the register because the printer isn't working. Many of my co-workers can't seem to figure out how to fix the simplest of problems! (This doesn't include Tofutti Cutie, of course.)

Half the time it's out of paper. There's an indicator light, but apparently they don't think to look for it.

The rest of the time I solve the problem with the oh-so-complicated method of turning it off and then turning it back on again. Ta-da! It works.

I've lost count of how many times I've done this (and told them what I did) but they can't quite manage to try it themselves.

Sigh. Well, at least I'm needed!

Who Do We Trust?

You know how the dollar bill says "In God We Trust"? One of the bills I got today had the "God" crossed out.

I'm guessing it was a protest of some sort, but ... well ... huh?

Lights Out

The lights went out in one of our back rooms yesterday. We think it was a blown fuse (which we can't fix) so we had to use a flashlight if we needed something from that room. It certainly made restocking interesting!

"I Want This One!"

mom: You can have two of these three. Which ones do you want?

kid: [takes one] I want this one.

mom: Ok. Which other one?

kid: [shows her the one in his hands] I want this one.

mom: We're going to get you that one, but you have have another one, too. Which one of these two do you want?

kid: [shows her the one in his hands] I want this one.

mom: Do you want one thing or two?

kid: Two!

mom: So which one do you want?

kid: [shows her the one in his hands] I want this one!

On a Mission! (Or Maybe Not...)

Today I was working at the back counter when I saw a couple come barreling through the front door. They quickly bypassed the front desk and headed straight for me. Aha! (I thought to myself) They're on a mission! They know exactly what they want and need it in a hurry.

Just as I guessed, they came up to me and asked for a specific item. It was something we carried, so I took them to it. As I walked away, I heard them discussing the price: "It's $24 dollars here .... It was $20 at that store in Bellevue ..."

A few seconds later I saw them leave, walking just as quickly and purposefully as they had when they came in.

I guess they didn't need the item as badly as I thought?! But if they were merely comparing prices, what was the big hurry?

Meek vs. Nice

Nice is waiting politely for the clerk to notice you. If the clerk doesn't notice you in a reasonable amount of time (30 seconds or so), saying "Excuse me" to get the clerk's attention.

Meek is waiting for the clerk to notice you. And waiting. And waiting some more. When the clerk finally does notice you, makes eye contact with you, and smiles at you -- you just smile back. The clerk assumes you don't have a question and goes back to whatever he or she was doing. When the clerk sees you're still there, the clerk (realizing that you're meek) asks if you need help. Your reply is so quiet that that clerk can't understand what you're saying.

Speak up, meek people, SPEAK UP!!!

Amazing! (But Not in a Good Way)

I'm continually amazed by people who leave something on the counter, walk away, come back twenty minutes later, and are surprised that the item has been reshelved.

They get kind of cranky, too.

And You Want Me To Hire You? Ummm.... No. (Take 2)

A young woman came into the store with a coffee in her hand. She looked around for a few minutes, then came up to the counter. She asked me for an application.

So.....she saw the "Help Wanted" sign but didn't see the "No Food or Drink" sign? (Unobservant.) She saw both signs and ignored the second? (Rude.)

Either way, why would we want to hire someone who would wander around a store with a drink in their hand?

Monday Night Football

Grrr... stupid Seahawks game .... drunken fans on the sidewalk, whoopin' and hollerin' ... sober (I hope) fans in their cars, tooting their horns ... traffic jams, crowded sidewalks .... late bus ....

I just want to go home from work!

[Plop]

I saw guy walking around with a drink today. A few seconds later I heard a [plop].

I turned back to the (now empty-handed) guy. He looked at me and sheepishly said, "I guess that's why you don't allow drinks in here." I gave him a stony look. He asked me for paper towels. I handed them to him and he cleaned up the mess.

Afterwards I felt a little guilty because I wasn't particularly nice to him. It was obvious he felt bad about spilling the drink. I could have laughed it off and told him, "It's ok, accidents happen." But I didn't.

A while later I realized that he must have seen our "No Food or Drinks" sign on the door. That means he approached our front door with a coffee in his hand, saw the sign, decided to ignore it, walked in the store, and spilled his drink.

I stopped feeling guilty.

Bigger Than What?!?

A fun, fun telephone call:


Hi, I was wondering if you had [pause] What I'm looking for is [pause] I want a _____. Do you have a bigger one?

On Hold

A lady came up to the counter to be rung up. I scanned all her items and told her the total. She looked at me crankily and asked, "This includes my stuff on hold, right?"

Ummm..... since you didn't tell me you had anything on hold: NO, IT DOESN'T!!!